GONE TO THE DOGS
by deetatarant
Summary: Owen and Ianto have a problem of the four legged kind.


**GONE TO THE DOGS**

Owen sighed, wondering and not for the first time what on Earth had convinced him to join the ranks of Torchwood. Of course at first, it was all about Katie, his loss and his grief. That slowly changed, it became about excitement, danger and having the best damn job on the planet and any woman he chose to pick up once he'd clocked off for the day. Now he wasn't sure. Now he was cold, tired and more than a little embarrassed at his predicament. Beside him, well above him really, sat Ianto his colleague and reluctant friend and Owen was half wondering if the young Welshman was thinking the same as he was. Owen craned his neck to get a look at Ianto's face. It was as unreadable as ever. How the hell did Ianto manage it? It was cold, wet and they were both two thirds of the way up a tree and Ianto sat there in the branches looking like he'd just stepped out of a tailors on Saville Row. Owen shook his head. How the hell did it come to this? His day had started so well too.

Owen glanced down between his feet and the other branches below him to a spot where two rotweillers were pacing about, their jaws covered in slobber and their teeth looking rather too large for his liking. The dogs didn't seem to mind. In fact they were salivating so much Owen was beginning to wonder if they'd been fed for the last week. At least they had stopped barking at them.

He sensed rather than felt Ianto moving above him.

"I've lost my mobile and the coms are still on the blink." He said looking back up in Ianto's direction.

Ianto had swapped the inscrutable for the thoroughly pissed off look. He was now staring down at the dogs.

"God, Jack's never going let us forget this is he?"

Owen shook his head.

"I could always shoot them and pretend we didn't get chased up a tree, you're good at clean up a couple of guard dogs should be no sweat." He pulled out his revolver.

"Owen no!"

Owen clicked off the safety and took aim.

"Don't Owen. They're just dogs. You can't shoot them."

Owen clicked the safety back on for a moment. "Ianto, they are big dogs, with big teeth and empty stomachs and you and I happen to be an 'all you can eat buffet'! How else are we supposed to get down?"

The two dogs had stopped pacing about and were standing there looking up as if following the conversation. Owen would've sworn that they stopped their patrolling on the mention of the word 'buffet'. He was eyeing them suspiciously and thinking about taking aim again.

Ianto watched worriedly from above.

"I'll call Jack. He can tranquillise them." Ianto pulled his mobile from his coat pocket and watched horrified as it slid out of his grasp, bounced off a branch and clattered to the ground at the bottom of the tree. One of dogs nonchalantly wandered over to inspect the wrecked Nokia. It took at sniff and turned its nose up in obvious disdain at the offering.

"Oh, great. Just fucking great. Well done Tea Boy!"

Ianto was too stunned for words.

Owen sighed and gazed about taking in the view of the scrap yard they had been searching before being hounded (Sorry just couldn't think of another word there!)up the tree at the back of the premises. The sun was getting low, the pubs would be starting to get busy and it looked like he was going to be missing out on at least two pints the way things were going. He fingered his gun. He wasn't one to be hampered by sentimental, fluffy love for animals and the two beasts that were currently eyeing him up for supper didn't seem overly sentimental about humans either. The safety came off again and this time he got as far as aiming properly before Ianto's hand came down firmly on his.

"Don't even think about it."

"Oh come on Ianto! I do not want to be here all night!"

"I don't care you are not shooting a defenceless animal."

Owen baulked. "Defenceless?? Are you nuts? Did you suddenly join Greenpeace or something? Those things have got shark's teeth!"

"So? They're only doing their job!"

"What are you worried about, their Union suing you or something?!"

Ianto's look of annoyance faltered and he froze for a moment before starting to laugh.

Owen gaped at him, then snickered and finally starting laughing himself. It was sometime before they managed to get a grip on themselves.

"Shit. I can't believe I laughed at that." Ianto finally said.

"Ok, Owen shoot them!"

"_Shoot who? What the hell's going on out there?"_

Jack's voice bellowed through both their left ears making the two of them wince.

"That'd be the coms working then!"

Owen shook his head.

"Yeah……Jack we're in a bit of bother here. Grab the tranquilliser gun and come and rescue us."

Jack was laughing down their ears._ "Yes gentlemen. We have quite a good view from the CCTV of the yard. Looks like you're in for a long night!_

Owen and Ianto exchanged unhappy looks.

"Harkness you leave us here all night and there will be blood, not mine or yours but…….."

"_But what Owen?"_

"Leave us up here all night and the Tea Boy gets it! He's dog food, which means you have to sh……."

"_Hey! Ok I'm on my way. Geez you're so impatient!"_

"Dog food Owen?"

Owen was looking up into Ianto's face and he swallowed.

"Look I had to make the threat sound serious, you know."

"You realise he's going to be calling me Pedigree Chum for a week now!"

"Just be grateful it isn't Chappie!"

Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Bastard!" He muttered.

Owen grinned.

The two rottwiellers just lay down and waited for the next course to arrive.


End file.
